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syncope at 08:28pm on 10/05/2011
syncope at 08:28pm on 10/05/2011( Kinda a Glee spoiler, kinda celeb gossip )
So I really hate school. This isn't really surprising since I never really enjoyed the schoolish aspects of school ever, I'm far too self-flagellating it--I'm a pretty classic A-type when it comes to judging myself; if I'm not perfect, I'm a total failure. If perfect isn't possible then the best will do. I've always been that way, and somehow it's innate because the rest of my family isn't even like that. What I mean is that so many people end up never accepting second best because their parents either explicitly tell them that their expectations are the moon or they subliminally telegraph this message through withholding praise/love if a child isn't superlative. My family never gave a shit about my exact grades/achievement because the assumption was that I was always doing well. My mom didn't even look at my report cards in high school! They are the most arrogant people on the planet and don't give a shit about grades as long as you're articulate, well-read, and can spell (whoops, I failed the spelling portion).
Anyway, so I just screw myself over by having ridiculous expectations for myself/life. I thought maybe as a grown ass woman who's well aware that I can get into whatever grad program I want and have no problem with testing that I would be able to let go and let god and just do this. HAHAHAHAHA Yeah, NO.
At least I have a goal I'm pretty enthusiastic about to get me through the shit portion of this (all of it).
Anyway, yeah, I'm not around much now, but I'm gonna get a good book out of this and I have dream? Sigh.
So I really hate school. This isn't really surprising since I never really enjoyed the schoolish aspects of school ever, I'm far too self-flagellating it--I'm a pretty classic A-type when it comes to judging myself; if I'm not perfect, I'm a total failure. If perfect isn't possible then the best will do. I've always been that way, and somehow it's innate because the rest of my family isn't even like that. What I mean is that so many people end up never accepting second best because their parents either explicitly tell them that their expectations are the moon or they subliminally telegraph this message through withholding praise/love if a child isn't superlative. My family never gave a shit about my exact grades/achievement because the assumption was that I was always doing well. My mom didn't even look at my report cards in high school! They are the most arrogant people on the planet and don't give a shit about grades as long as you're articulate, well-read, and can spell (whoops, I failed the spelling portion).
Anyway, so I just screw myself over by having ridiculous expectations for myself/life. I thought maybe as a grown ass woman who's well aware that I can get into whatever grad program I want and have no problem with testing that I would be able to let go and let god and just do this. HAHAHAHAHA Yeah, NO.
At least I have a goal I'm pretty enthusiastic about to get me through the shit portion of this (all of it).
Anyway, yeah, I'm not around much now, but I'm gonna get a good book out of this and I have dream? Sigh.
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