Don't leave a voicemail, seriously.

My mother is a utterly ridiculous individual. How weird is that, that *my* mom is a wacky character who gets up to hijinks? I KNOW REALLY SHOCKING. (It's been a while since I told y'all a story about how she knocked the transmission out of her car running over a curb because she was frantically snarfing fried chicken or how she tripped over a vacuum cleaner cord and broke her tailbone or how she decided to go into goat farming.)

This one is about the goat farming.

One day she calls me and says "so you're going to have to learn how to make goat's milk soap." Being that this is my mom and I know how I think (the same exact way), I replied "so you bought a goat?"

She had. Now, the goat saga is long and mostly tedious. But ok, imagine ME becoming a farmer. Like an actual farmer with animals and junk, not digging around in the dirt (which is very much in character as I do happen to garden...because of my family). IMAGINE ME THINKING IT WAS A GOOD IDEA TO BECOME A GOAT FARMER. This isn't much of a stretch, I've done things that insane. Now imagine I am even LESS adept at life than I am and that I do things like drive motorcycles into lakes (also not a stretch, I am aware). AND THAT I NOW HAVE GOATS I TEND.

That's about the shape of it.

Anyway, I made the mistake of telling Liz one of my mom's goats had baby goats and she's nagged me for pics since then, but I wasn't driving out to the fucking farm to take pictures of these baby goats because I know, I know if I had driven out there I would be put to work/have to go to some farm auction/be forced to listen to stories about boring things that bore me (aren't I a lovely daughter?) so I told her she had to wait until my mother brought me some pictures. I think we're talking like three weeks here. Amazingly, mom managed to take some pictures without falling and impaling herself on a pitchfork or something.


( goats! )

Another funny thing my mom did: she asked me to shop for her on eBay. SHE THINKS I CAN WORK EBAY!



And soul_cake_duck uploaded The full Tom Hardy Stuart interview (that one where you fell in love with him). Round of applause for excellent citizenship!

AND ALSO I uploaded this for someone anyway, so here: the paintball to the ass video Thank you, Liz.