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syncope at 01:19am on 11/05/2010
syncope at 01:19am on 11/05/2010I have been raped.
I want don't sympathy or hugs or condolences for this.
I am not sad. I am angry.
What pisses me off more than anything isn't the above, what bothers me is the constant nonstop bullshit I put up with as a woman.
I am talked down to constantly. I am made to feel insecure when I'm alone with a man. I have been bullied by men to agree with them and have done so to make it go way. I am scared when I "disrespect" a man in a professional environment. I always check to make sure my doors are locked at night. Or in the daytime when alone. Twice. I watch the news about serial rapists and am so cynical I could cut glass with a look. I have absolutely no expectation for my own physical security at any given time. I wear clothes that cover my body because I don't want strangers looking at me.
I am one of millions.
Rape and sexual assault are only faceless because we're embarrassed about what our assailants do. I have felt that shame.
What I am pissed off about is that I am CONSTANTLY put into circumstances where I don't know if I am safe. Whether it be shitty jokes in the workplace or men talking down to me while stealing my personal space, I feel the need at all times to be vigilant. If you don't get that, I have no idea what planet you live on, but I want to move there.
Disrespect is not limited to physical violation. Sometimes it's a look. Sometimes it's a really laden comment. We've all been there with the titty jokes or the anecdotes about sex. We know those situations are about intimidation, but we don't know how to articulate what was said in a way that would help or stop the next circumstance--because the system works against us and even other women participate in the oppression.
Sometimes we have to live with casual physical assault. I have spent many uncomfortable moments on buses and subways where men thought that because I existed I was there for them to fondle, ogle, or make innuendo to. I am a strong person--do not infer that I can't stand up for myself. When you're in a packed subway train and a man casually puts his hand on your ass and looks to the side like he's not doing it, your first reaction might be to scream, but mine is to be embarrassed. Don't tell me how to react. Also don't tell me I wasn't proactive enough so I deserve what I got. Did I grab his dick? No. We're conditioned to take that kind of treatment and to feel like we deserve it. Do not tell me otherwise, because I am not some shrinking violet--I was raised to be a strong woman by strong women, but I am STILL ashamed when men treat me like their personal whore. That is not about me, that's about society.
None of this is helped by the fact that I'm a pocket-sized person. I'm in no way saying that someone who's six foot tall can't be victimized, but when you're a small woman everyone looks like a threat. Other women included.
My comments here are not made in a vacuum. I have felt what you feel. My life experience influences everything I do. I hope I respect everyone I come into contact with in a way that I would like to be respected. I make this post in solidarity with every person who has had their happy, safe place on lj violated by the constant talk of rape, rape culture, and shaming that's happened in the last few days. I apologize and feel pretty much like you do.
I want don't sympathy or hugs or condolences for this.
I am not sad. I am angry.
What pisses me off more than anything isn't the above, what bothers me is the constant nonstop bullshit I put up with as a woman.
I am talked down to constantly. I am made to feel insecure when I'm alone with a man. I have been bullied by men to agree with them and have done so to make it go way. I am scared when I "disrespect" a man in a professional environment. I always check to make sure my doors are locked at night. Or in the daytime when alone. Twice. I watch the news about serial rapists and am so cynical I could cut glass with a look. I have absolutely no expectation for my own physical security at any given time. I wear clothes that cover my body because I don't want strangers looking at me.
I am one of millions.
Rape and sexual assault are only faceless because we're embarrassed about what our assailants do. I have felt that shame.
What I am pissed off about is that I am CONSTANTLY put into circumstances where I don't know if I am safe. Whether it be shitty jokes in the workplace or men talking down to me while stealing my personal space, I feel the need at all times to be vigilant. If you don't get that, I have no idea what planet you live on, but I want to move there.
Disrespect is not limited to physical violation. Sometimes it's a look. Sometimes it's a really laden comment. We've all been there with the titty jokes or the anecdotes about sex. We know those situations are about intimidation, but we don't know how to articulate what was said in a way that would help or stop the next circumstance--because the system works against us and even other women participate in the oppression.
Sometimes we have to live with casual physical assault. I have spent many uncomfortable moments on buses and subways where men thought that because I existed I was there for them to fondle, ogle, or make innuendo to. I am a strong person--do not infer that I can't stand up for myself. When you're in a packed subway train and a man casually puts his hand on your ass and looks to the side like he's not doing it, your first reaction might be to scream, but mine is to be embarrassed. Don't tell me how to react. Also don't tell me I wasn't proactive enough so I deserve what I got. Did I grab his dick? No. We're conditioned to take that kind of treatment and to feel like we deserve it. Do not tell me otherwise, because I am not some shrinking violet--I was raised to be a strong woman by strong women, but I am STILL ashamed when men treat me like their personal whore. That is not about me, that's about society.
None of this is helped by the fact that I'm a pocket-sized person. I'm in no way saying that someone who's six foot tall can't be victimized, but when you're a small woman everyone looks like a threat. Other women included.
My comments here are not made in a vacuum. I have felt what you feel. My life experience influences everything I do. I hope I respect everyone I come into contact with in a way that I would like to be respected. I make this post in solidarity with every person who has had their happy, safe place on lj violated by the constant talk of rape, rape culture, and shaming that's happened in the last few days. I apologize and feel pretty much like you do.
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