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syncope at 09:13am on 08/02/2009
syncope at 09:13am on 08/02/2009Yesterday I had one of those epic kitchen disasters that people who cook have periodically but never adjust to. Mine went like this:
I toodling around stewing a chicken in aromatics, white wine, stock, and various spices and so on. I hadn't decided on what the finished product was going to be because when I queried the eaters I was just directed to "make some kind of chicken stewy thing." Oh, helpful! Anyway, I had been stewing the chicken in all that stuff for a while and made the epic mistake of tasting it (you'll see why in a moment). It was DELICIOUS. Now I cook a lot (every day almost) and I'm not crap at it, so I have a kind of scale of how good something tastes. Most things I cook taste good enough that laymen (the eaters) have second helpings and blah blah about how good it tastes. This level is not good enough for me to say "this is good" anymore. That is the expected level. When I do not meet the second helping level I am pissed off. That might make me sound like a nutcase, but like any skill, when you get to a certain level of attainment your expectations shift. Just like with knitting or sewing or skeeball, you move the goal. Anyway, so when I say this broth was delicious, I really mean that. It was one of those !!! moments in the kitchen when you actually consider writing down what you did to remind yourself later. (Here I am speaking as someone who doesn't use recipes.)
At this point the critical mistake transpired. I took the chicken out of the pot (not the mistake) and set a colander in a bowl to drain the broth through to save myself the tedious job of having to fish out the carrots and celery and bits and bobs.
CATASTROPHE!!!!!!!!!
For unknown (later to be discovered) reasons, when I drained the broth through the colander, IT WENT EVERYWHERE BUT INTO THE BOWL. A list of some items on the counter top: two iPods, an iPod dock, a coffee pot, a Kitchen Aide standing mixer, a blender, two wooden cutting boards, an olive oil cruet, a salt pot, sundry crap--and that's just the counter not counting the hidey hole thing I think is supposed to be for bread products that we use to house all the random appliances like the blender, the toaster, the electric can opener (most useless invention ever) and so on and on and on. But wait! The broth also cascaded down the dishwater and all over me. Boiling hot animal product all over my feet (luckily I am used to that kind of disaster). I stood there and watched me yummy broth die an ignoble death all over thousands of dollars of electrical equipment and I was mostly upset over the broth vanishing.
I saved all the stupid crap (that I think should be BANISHED from the counter top anyway--I've fought to kick all the shit that doesn't belong in the kitchen--like the bread box used to hold paperwork, the dog treats, and phone chargers--on to one of the tables, but I have so far been unsuccessful). Both iPods and the iPod dock and yadda and other electrical gadgets are fine. Everything survived. I have pretty quick reflexes in situations like that since I'm so clumsy.
Much later, after cleaning up the disaster, finishing cooking a dinner that was nowhere near as tasty as it could have been, and doing various other domestic tasks, I pick up the bowl I drained the broth in to discover what compelled my huge disaster: a massive crack in the side of the supposedly indestructible bowl! I guess I managed to create the perfect confluence of bowl temperature and stock temperature to cause the bowl to shatter. This is something of a superpower of mine, having also shattered pyrex on several occasions (keeping in mind pyrex was designed for use on the space shuttle). I really like those bowls, too. OH WELL.
Today I'm making King Ranch Chicken (the non-soup version from Homesick Texan) and the whole fam's over. Oh, hurrah. I will respond to comments tomorrow. Thank you to everyone who wished me well for my birthday. This weekend has been hectic.
I toodling around stewing a chicken in aromatics, white wine, stock, and various spices and so on. I hadn't decided on what the finished product was going to be because when I queried the eaters I was just directed to "make some kind of chicken stewy thing." Oh, helpful! Anyway, I had been stewing the chicken in all that stuff for a while and made the epic mistake of tasting it (you'll see why in a moment). It was DELICIOUS. Now I cook a lot (every day almost) and I'm not crap at it, so I have a kind of scale of how good something tastes. Most things I cook taste good enough that laymen (the eaters) have second helpings and blah blah about how good it tastes. This level is not good enough for me to say "this is good" anymore. That is the expected level. When I do not meet the second helping level I am pissed off. That might make me sound like a nutcase, but like any skill, when you get to a certain level of attainment your expectations shift. Just like with knitting or sewing or skeeball, you move the goal. Anyway, so when I say this broth was delicious, I really mean that. It was one of those !!! moments in the kitchen when you actually consider writing down what you did to remind yourself later. (Here I am speaking as someone who doesn't use recipes.)
At this point the critical mistake transpired. I took the chicken out of the pot (not the mistake) and set a colander in a bowl to drain the broth through to save myself the tedious job of having to fish out the carrots and celery and bits and bobs.
CATASTROPHE!!!!!!!!!
For unknown (later to be discovered) reasons, when I drained the broth through the colander, IT WENT EVERYWHERE BUT INTO THE BOWL. A list of some items on the counter top: two iPods, an iPod dock, a coffee pot, a Kitchen Aide standing mixer, a blender, two wooden cutting boards, an olive oil cruet, a salt pot, sundry crap--and that's just the counter not counting the hidey hole thing I think is supposed to be for bread products that we use to house all the random appliances like the blender, the toaster, the electric can opener (most useless invention ever) and so on and on and on. But wait! The broth also cascaded down the dishwater and all over me. Boiling hot animal product all over my feet (luckily I am used to that kind of disaster). I stood there and watched me yummy broth die an ignoble death all over thousands of dollars of electrical equipment and I was mostly upset over the broth vanishing.
I saved all the stupid crap (that I think should be BANISHED from the counter top anyway--I've fought to kick all the shit that doesn't belong in the kitchen--like the bread box used to hold paperwork, the dog treats, and phone chargers--on to one of the tables, but I have so far been unsuccessful). Both iPods and the iPod dock and yadda and other electrical gadgets are fine. Everything survived. I have pretty quick reflexes in situations like that since I'm so clumsy.
Much later, after cleaning up the disaster, finishing cooking a dinner that was nowhere near as tasty as it could have been, and doing various other domestic tasks, I pick up the bowl I drained the broth in to discover what compelled my huge disaster: a massive crack in the side of the supposedly indestructible bowl! I guess I managed to create the perfect confluence of bowl temperature and stock temperature to cause the bowl to shatter. This is something of a superpower of mine, having also shattered pyrex on several occasions (keeping in mind pyrex was designed for use on the space shuttle). I really like those bowls, too. OH WELL.
Today I'm making King Ranch Chicken (the non-soup version from Homesick Texan) and the whole fam's over. Oh, hurrah. I will respond to comments tomorrow. Thank you to everyone who wished me well for my birthday. This weekend has been hectic.
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