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syncope at 03:32pm on 20/12/2008
syncope at 03:32pm on 20/12/2008Today we went to the flea market. This is always an experience for anyone, but I always forget what (I guess) the average person is like around here since I live in a bubble. AMAZING. You might be wondering what such an unrepentant snob and her snobbish family were doing at the flea market--little do you know that there's nothing most of my family likes better than tacky shit. So much so that we have a family tradition of trying to out tacky each other at Christmas. If you've ever wondered "who really buys gag gifts?" the answer is--everyone related to me! As far as I know this predates our sojourn in the Americas (not really as I doubt my ancestors before my grandparents celebrated Christmas, but one must take authorial license).
My uncle is quite the master at gag gifting. He's got a nose for it. It could be his flaming homosexuality that gives him an edge since gay men are socialized amongst their own to know the line between kitsch and god-awful and how to trounce all over it in lime green patent leather loafers. Last year my mother got him this fiber optic bird that sang--a thing of gorgeousness, let me tell you. This year it's a candle (handmade! or so the vendor would have us believe). It's not just any candle. It's one of those twisted ribbon candles--customized. For purchase were Disney-themed candles and candles adorned with any animal you've EVER heard of or seen on such fabulous contraptions as your television machine. There were wedding candles and baby candles and Muppet candles and fruit or veggie candles. Of COURSE there were NASCAR and NFL and baseball candles! The best candle was a nursing themed one with an anthropomorphic strawberry wearing a nursing cap. No, you read that right. That was not the candle she bought. She got some Daytona 500 commemorative candle as she and my uncle have a running NASCAR JOKE--oh, and the candle maker said if he wants to bring it back and customize it further, he's welcome to!
I was pretty floored by all the licensing rip off that was going down in that candle shop, but my mom was stuck on the capering crawfish candle and wasn't into listening to me explain copyright and how Disney isn't all that into having it violated.
*
This is not what I'm making for supper (that would be Cottage Pie), but I told Julia I'd sling her this recipe and later she demanded I post more recipes on my lj, and god only knows I live to serve:
Nassau Grits
This is (unknown to me until, like, when I tried looked for the recipe for Julia) a recipe particular to my home town. This is our family recipe for it. If I could find the one the old ladies at First Methodist had, I would share that one with you because it's legendary.
Where I come from we eat white grits, I'm sure if you wanted to do it with yellow grits, you could adapt it (I like stone ground grits myself, so I wouldn't blame you if you did).
Bacon--this is to taste, do you really like bacon? Then cook a lot of bacon (from a half pound to a pound),
1 onion
1 green pepper (lots of people hate green pepper, so figure this bit out--if you hate it, try to substitute a colored pepper!)
1 cup of ham (or, as above, however much you want) [we always had home baked ham laying around or at least in the freezer, so I assume the taste will vary greatly depending on the kind of ham you use. I would never buy that shrink wrapped ham slab that I've seen at the grocery--what is that thing FOR? anyway, a lot of people have ham at the holidays and wonder what to do with all of it--freeze the shit and thaw it out for tastiness later)
1 smaller can of tomatoes (not the big honking one, the normal to vegetables sized one) OR 1 can Rotel (do it this way, for real)
garlic (this you will have to determine yourself as I have no idea how much you personally like garlic) from 1 clove to three
3/4-1 cup uncooked grits
Cook the bacon. Chop the stuff that needs it. Drain bacon and set aside. Drain most of the bacon grease off. Cook the onion and bell pepper in the bacon grease. When the onion looks done enough, dump in tomatoes (with juice), garlic (I cut up whole canned tomatoes with a kitchen knife, my Aunt Nora mushed them with her fingers), and ham. Cook that down while you cook the grits according to the package directions. When the grits are creamy (I pity people who don't already know how to cook grits on the stove because I'm not about to explain that right now), dump in the tomato-ham mixture.
Douse this with hot sauce, stir, crumble bacon over the top when you dish it up. (I'm sure we could find a way to add cheese and at least one more pork product if we tried, but it's great as is, trust me).
Enjoy!
My uncle is quite the master at gag gifting. He's got a nose for it. It could be his flaming homosexuality that gives him an edge since gay men are socialized amongst their own to know the line between kitsch and god-awful and how to trounce all over it in lime green patent leather loafers. Last year my mother got him this fiber optic bird that sang--a thing of gorgeousness, let me tell you. This year it's a candle (handmade! or so the vendor would have us believe). It's not just any candle. It's one of those twisted ribbon candles--customized. For purchase were Disney-themed candles and candles adorned with any animal you've EVER heard of or seen on such fabulous contraptions as your television machine. There were wedding candles and baby candles and Muppet candles and fruit or veggie candles. Of COURSE there were NASCAR and NFL and baseball candles! The best candle was a nursing themed one with an anthropomorphic strawberry wearing a nursing cap. No, you read that right. That was not the candle she bought. She got some Daytona 500 commemorative candle as she and my uncle have a running NASCAR JOKE--oh, and the candle maker said if he wants to bring it back and customize it further, he's welcome to!
I was pretty floored by all the licensing rip off that was going down in that candle shop, but my mom was stuck on the capering crawfish candle and wasn't into listening to me explain copyright and how Disney isn't all that into having it violated.
*
This is not what I'm making for supper (that would be Cottage Pie), but I told Julia I'd sling her this recipe and later she demanded I post more recipes on my lj, and god only knows I live to serve:
Nassau Grits
This is (unknown to me until, like, when I tried looked for the recipe for Julia) a recipe particular to my home town. This is our family recipe for it. If I could find the one the old ladies at First Methodist had, I would share that one with you because it's legendary.
Where I come from we eat white grits, I'm sure if you wanted to do it with yellow grits, you could adapt it (I like stone ground grits myself, so I wouldn't blame you if you did).
Bacon--this is to taste, do you really like bacon? Then cook a lot of bacon (from a half pound to a pound),
1 onion
1 green pepper (lots of people hate green pepper, so figure this bit out--if you hate it, try to substitute a colored pepper!)
1 cup of ham (or, as above, however much you want) [we always had home baked ham laying around or at least in the freezer, so I assume the taste will vary greatly depending on the kind of ham you use. I would never buy that shrink wrapped ham slab that I've seen at the grocery--what is that thing FOR? anyway, a lot of people have ham at the holidays and wonder what to do with all of it--freeze the shit and thaw it out for tastiness later)
1 smaller can of tomatoes (not the big honking one, the normal to vegetables sized one) OR 1 can Rotel (do it this way, for real)
garlic (this you will have to determine yourself as I have no idea how much you personally like garlic) from 1 clove to three
3/4-1 cup uncooked grits
Cook the bacon. Chop the stuff that needs it. Drain bacon and set aside. Drain most of the bacon grease off. Cook the onion and bell pepper in the bacon grease. When the onion looks done enough, dump in tomatoes (with juice), garlic (I cut up whole canned tomatoes with a kitchen knife, my Aunt Nora mushed them with her fingers), and ham. Cook that down while you cook the grits according to the package directions. When the grits are creamy (I pity people who don't already know how to cook grits on the stove because I'm not about to explain that right now), dump in the tomato-ham mixture.
Douse this with hot sauce, stir, crumble bacon over the top when you dish it up. (I'm sure we could find a way to add cheese and at least one more pork product if we tried, but it's great as is, trust me).
Enjoy!
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