Don't leave a voicemail, seriously.

I talked to my granddaddy this morning. He informed me he just doesn't understand what's going on in this country. At first I was worried we were about to have another knockdown dragout of a whopping fight (my family doesn't do jack shit in half measures--four years ago the day before the election my grandfather and I got into a screaming match that lead me to huff away and refuse to speak to him for six months. He sucked up and apologized because he was WRONG.), but what he really meant was that

Me: You vote?
Him: Yeah, 'while back.
Me: I guess our votes canceled each other out!
Him: [laughing] You think either one of 'em got counted? [laughing harder] Yeah, right! You voted for McCain?
Me: WHAT?
Him: [laughs]

If my granddaddy voted for Obama and the Dems don't carry Ohio then the fucking election's rigged. I swear to god.

He also told me that early voting was unconstitutional. I'm not sure where he got that from, probably the crazy demons that start whispering in your ear when you hit 75. (For the record, he's been hearing those demons for a loooooooong time as he's well over 75.)

I was going to get some ice cream but I pulled my iPod out of my bag and I left it running and there's no charge so I guess that means I have to work for a while before I can go. This reminds me I never did mention how the other night I poked myself right in the middle of my iris with a pair of fingernail scissors while trimming my bangs RIGHT BEFORE WE WERE LEAVING FOR A SHOW. Right in the eye. Not as bad as the time my mom burnt her cornea lifting the film off broccoli in the microwave, so I feel like I'm still ahead. I think I'm just going to grow my bangs out.

I guess today is the day I start watching MSNBC because the pundit panel on CNN is like my hitlist of motherfuckers I want to KILL (except Donna). CHRIST!!!!!! Anderson Cooper cannot keep me from being homicidal. And of course we don't have HDNet to see Dan Rather. I hate you more and more CBS for caving to dickheads and sacking Dan. He's DAN RATHER, jerks!

JERKS!

Who do I hate the most on the CNN panel? [muses] Who am I kidding, Carville. *shakes fist* CARVILLE! I can just dismiss the Repugs on that panel, but Carville is the face for everything I hate about dirty pool politics. It's only 7 pm EDT and already the CNN jerkwads have run out of things to say. SIIIIIIIIIGH.

Did they really (REALLY?) just make a hologram? Are you shitting me?