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syncope at 03:07pm on 02/09/2008
syncope at 03:07pm on 02/09/2008I've been, shall we say, dispirited lately. Part of that is frustration w/ being a writer and having to write shit I hate. Only partially, the root problem I have is being fucking bi-polar, but even crazy people can have actual damage.
Anyway, so I was talking to my friend who is a creative type (I think everyone I know is at this point in my life?) and I was railing on about starting a 'zine. My thought process was such: blogs don't work in the same way 'zines did because internet culture is all about selling ad space and making money off of what was once freely-given artistic output. My friend went on to say that there's also a collective nature to 'zines that blog culture is missing. I think that's true, even when you write for a multi-user website, it's still very much about ME rather than WE. I think people in fandom who speak about the gift culture will disagree with this, but I think that the only truly collectivist sort of work in fandom centers around Cons--even challenges and fic exchanges have a certain element of tyranny in them in that one or two people run them and set the agenda. At any rate, my issue was more about blogging than fandom. Bloggers are always trying to sell ad space and create revenue (and I'm not a total communist--total--so I think people should make all the money they want). I'd like to do something more collectivist than that. You can see I'm being very specific here!
Banksy in Alabama
And in New Orleans
And now that we're back from the break, I'd like to ramble a bit about creativity. I don't think about it very much, to be honest. I know a lot of people analyze how they write and what they write and what inspires them, but I just never have. We all have themes that come through in our work--one of mine, for example, is color. The idea of outward inspiration is strange for me now. I can't really wrap my head around what would spur me to make something. It's just a tap that's always flowing and if I DON'T make something for a while I get really depressed. Since I know that, when I get down I force myself to keep writing/to write anything I can so that it doesn't cycle out of control. That happened to me last year when I had writer's block for months and months on end and I was utterly unhappy. I suppose that this sort of way of interacting w/ the world is what convinced me I was more than a hobbyist when it came to writing (fuck knows no one ever being supportive/enthusiastic ever did--one of my neuroses is Pretender Syndrome).
At any rate, I've used fanfic for years now to write out my blues or to help me get in a headspace to write the non-fannish crap I do because fanfic is wholly my own and no one can tell me what to write when I make it. I'm in full control and can be as self-indulgent or giving to the reader as I want (I vacillate on that--there was a time that I wouldn't hesitate to kill off the most beloved character in a story just for the pernicious glee of doing it, but I've moved on from there, however I will still fuck with people for a laugh). I think people discount fanworks, even people who make them, because they consider it "just a hobby," but the whole point of having hobbies is that it keeps you from killing that neighbor who plays the Horropops at 11 24 hrs straight or connects you to the world after a break up or is a way to express your boundless love for humanity--or whatever. I tend to think most parts of life that get labeled as "only X"s are the important parts. I think shifting to "it's only a job" would make people a lot healthier mentally. Making stuff is what humans do. The value of the stuff you make can be imbued by you rather than someone who interacts with it. On a certain level, it always already is. It's nice, for example, when people like my silly stories on my lj, but the *real* value of those stories is that they make *me* happy. Often the happiness I find in them is two-fold: the pleasure I take in creating them (and if you've ever lived with me, you will have heard me laughing out loud at my own jokes, something my mother finds hilarious) and the joy I take when people I care about enjoy them. I tend to think that intrinsic joy is the only actual value in art, and the fact that art is so often a commodity drains all that joy out.
It's always very strange to me to watch people allow arbiters to value something for them. There's value, of course, in debate about the quality of X or Y in relation to A and B, and there are people who spend their lives doing this, I know some of these people, and I think expert knowledge is to be appreciated. However, someone else's opinion on a comicbook isn't going to make me like it any less, so why should someone's opinion on a painting or a song or a fanvid? It's all the same thing.
I think what I'm saying, internetland, is I'm an existentialist, ask me how!
Anyway, so I was talking to my friend who is a creative type (I think everyone I know is at this point in my life?) and I was railing on about starting a 'zine. My thought process was such: blogs don't work in the same way 'zines did because internet culture is all about selling ad space and making money off of what was once freely-given artistic output. My friend went on to say that there's also a collective nature to 'zines that blog culture is missing. I think that's true, even when you write for a multi-user website, it's still very much about ME rather than WE. I think people in fandom who speak about the gift culture will disagree with this, but I think that the only truly collectivist sort of work in fandom centers around Cons--even challenges and fic exchanges have a certain element of tyranny in them in that one or two people run them and set the agenda. At any rate, my issue was more about blogging than fandom. Bloggers are always trying to sell ad space and create revenue (and I'm not a total communist--total--so I think people should make all the money they want). I'd like to do something more collectivist than that. You can see I'm being very specific here!
Banksy in Alabama
And in New Orleans
And now that we're back from the break, I'd like to ramble a bit about creativity. I don't think about it very much, to be honest. I know a lot of people analyze how they write and what they write and what inspires them, but I just never have. We all have themes that come through in our work--one of mine, for example, is color. The idea of outward inspiration is strange for me now. I can't really wrap my head around what would spur me to make something. It's just a tap that's always flowing and if I DON'T make something for a while I get really depressed. Since I know that, when I get down I force myself to keep writing/to write anything I can so that it doesn't cycle out of control. That happened to me last year when I had writer's block for months and months on end and I was utterly unhappy. I suppose that this sort of way of interacting w/ the world is what convinced me I was more than a hobbyist when it came to writing (fuck knows no one ever being supportive/enthusiastic ever did--one of my neuroses is Pretender Syndrome).
At any rate, I've used fanfic for years now to write out my blues or to help me get in a headspace to write the non-fannish crap I do because fanfic is wholly my own and no one can tell me what to write when I make it. I'm in full control and can be as self-indulgent or giving to the reader as I want (I vacillate on that--there was a time that I wouldn't hesitate to kill off the most beloved character in a story just for the pernicious glee of doing it, but I've moved on from there, however I will still fuck with people for a laugh). I think people discount fanworks, even people who make them, because they consider it "just a hobby," but the whole point of having hobbies is that it keeps you from killing that neighbor who plays the Horropops at 11 24 hrs straight or connects you to the world after a break up or is a way to express your boundless love for humanity--or whatever. I tend to think most parts of life that get labeled as "only X"s are the important parts. I think shifting to "it's only a job" would make people a lot healthier mentally. Making stuff is what humans do. The value of the stuff you make can be imbued by you rather than someone who interacts with it. On a certain level, it always already is. It's nice, for example, when people like my silly stories on my lj, but the *real* value of those stories is that they make *me* happy. Often the happiness I find in them is two-fold: the pleasure I take in creating them (and if you've ever lived with me, you will have heard me laughing out loud at my own jokes, something my mother finds hilarious) and the joy I take when people I care about enjoy them. I tend to think that intrinsic joy is the only actual value in art, and the fact that art is so often a commodity drains all that joy out.
It's always very strange to me to watch people allow arbiters to value something for them. There's value, of course, in debate about the quality of X or Y in relation to A and B, and there are people who spend their lives doing this, I know some of these people, and I think expert knowledge is to be appreciated. However, someone else's opinion on a comicbook isn't going to make me like it any less, so why should someone's opinion on a painting or a song or a fanvid? It's all the same thing.
I think what I'm saying, internetland, is I'm an existentialist, ask me how!
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