i have some stories
Most of them I don't want anyone to ever hear.
The other day I went out for a jog. Now for anyone else this story would be about Spring in Tennessee. That's not the story I have.
The other day I went out for a jog and there were these little redneck urchins wandering down the street approaching everyone they saw saying "do you want a rabbit?" Now, considering my neighborhood, this isn't all that outstanding. As a matter of fact, when I told this entire story to my friend he said "yeah, they hit me up, too." Like it was no biggie. Yeah, homeless children with rabbits, daily event.
So. I jog by the children with the rabbits three times and on the third time around I saw that the six or seven year old was carrying the rubbermade under the bed box with the rabbits and sort of slinging the rabbits all around in the box. I turn around and start querying the kids about the rabbits and what the fuck they were up to. This naturally leads me to taking the rabbits. Now, listen to me, people. You would have taken these rabbits, too. I don't care what kind of hard hearted mofo you think you are, these rabbits are magical rabbits of bunnicular love-muffininess. I see you doubting. You're thinking "Kassie's just a soft touch." While true, this is not applicable to the story.
I bring the rabbits home (keep in mind I carried that rubbermade container like a mile.). JJ was NOT impressed. However, I'm charming so the rabbits weren't dinner. Holly and I spent like seventeen hours at Petsmart buying rabbit gear. Who knew rodent cages cost your kidney? My plan was to take pics of the bunnies and put up a Craigslist ad to off-load them on some sucker.
We had Sunday dinner and I thought maybe one of our idiot friends would be silly enough to want the bunnies, so I solicited. My friend Alvin just had kittens, though, and had gotten to all the likely suspects. Amusingly enough, one of my friends tried to off-load a kitten on ME, which proves I'm one of the dupes in this crowd. No dice on pawning the bunnies off.
However. I come inside and JJ is taking pictures of the rabbits. I'm like "what's goin' on here?" and she's like "nothin'. what?" and I'm all "uh huh" and she's all "I hate the bunnies, stfu."
Fast forward a day. I get hoodwinked into spending the day drinking on the West Side. Now you may think this sounds like something I'm very likely to do. YOU ARE WRONG. I don't cross the river. But this was a special circumstance. I spend all day drinking by Vandy and come home to this:
SCENE: [JJ and Holly sitting on the floor in front of the rabbit cage. Kassie walks in and they turn like two drug addicts busted snorting meth]
Kassie: Uh, what's goin' on, then?
JJ: [perky] We're feeding the bunnies!
Kassie: Interesting. I'm going for margaritas across the street, keep that up.
JJ: [to Kassie's companion] Kassie brought home rabbits!
Companion: Yeah, they hit me up, too.
Holly: We named them Cory and Ben!
[Kassie and companion leave her roommates sitting in front of the rabbit cage hand feeding the rabbits 15 kinds of vegetables.]
I might have misplayed some of the dialogue there (since I was drinking all day) but otherwise this is a very honest portrayal of my experience yesterday. Then I went to drink tequila with my silly hot friend.
The conclusion of yesterday was me and my silly friend standing in an epic thunderstorm in my yard laughing uproariously and pushing each other in the bushes.
All in all, it was a day in Nashville.
The other day I went out for a jog. Now for anyone else this story would be about Spring in Tennessee. That's not the story I have.
The other day I went out for a jog and there were these little redneck urchins wandering down the street approaching everyone they saw saying "do you want a rabbit?" Now, considering my neighborhood, this isn't all that outstanding. As a matter of fact, when I told this entire story to my friend he said "yeah, they hit me up, too." Like it was no biggie. Yeah, homeless children with rabbits, daily event.
So. I jog by the children with the rabbits three times and on the third time around I saw that the six or seven year old was carrying the rubbermade under the bed box with the rabbits and sort of slinging the rabbits all around in the box. I turn around and start querying the kids about the rabbits and what the fuck they were up to. This naturally leads me to taking the rabbits. Now, listen to me, people. You would have taken these rabbits, too. I don't care what kind of hard hearted mofo you think you are, these rabbits are magical rabbits of bunnicular love-muffininess. I see you doubting. You're thinking "Kassie's just a soft touch." While true, this is not applicable to the story.
I bring the rabbits home (keep in mind I carried that rubbermade container like a mile.). JJ was NOT impressed. However, I'm charming so the rabbits weren't dinner. Holly and I spent like seventeen hours at Petsmart buying rabbit gear. Who knew rodent cages cost your kidney? My plan was to take pics of the bunnies and put up a Craigslist ad to off-load them on some sucker.
We had Sunday dinner and I thought maybe one of our idiot friends would be silly enough to want the bunnies, so I solicited. My friend Alvin just had kittens, though, and had gotten to all the likely suspects. Amusingly enough, one of my friends tried to off-load a kitten on ME, which proves I'm one of the dupes in this crowd. No dice on pawning the bunnies off.
However. I come inside and JJ is taking pictures of the rabbits. I'm like "what's goin' on here?" and she's like "nothin'. what?" and I'm all "uh huh" and she's all "I hate the bunnies, stfu."
Fast forward a day. I get hoodwinked into spending the day drinking on the West Side. Now you may think this sounds like something I'm very likely to do. YOU ARE WRONG. I don't cross the river. But this was a special circumstance. I spend all day drinking by Vandy and come home to this:
SCENE: [JJ and Holly sitting on the floor in front of the rabbit cage. Kassie walks in and they turn like two drug addicts busted snorting meth]
Kassie: Uh, what's goin' on, then?
JJ: [perky] We're feeding the bunnies!
Kassie: Interesting. I'm going for margaritas across the street, keep that up.
JJ: [to Kassie's companion] Kassie brought home rabbits!
Companion: Yeah, they hit me up, too.
Holly: We named them Cory and Ben!
[Kassie and companion leave her roommates sitting in front of the rabbit cage hand feeding the rabbits 15 kinds of vegetables.]
I might have misplayed some of the dialogue there (since I was drinking all day) but otherwise this is a very honest portrayal of my experience yesterday. Then I went to drink tequila with my silly hot friend.
The conclusion of yesterday was me and my silly friend standing in an epic thunderstorm in my yard laughing uproariously and pushing each other in the bushes.
All in all, it was a day in Nashville.